Construction on Belmont Street Set to Wrap up in 2035

by | Oct 5, 2017 | The Lampoon | 0 comments

WORCESTER – Good news for those people impacted by the construction on Belmont Street: it is set to wrap up in just 18 more years.

Construction on Belmont Street Set to Wrap up in 2035 1

“I honestly have no idea what we are doing here,” said Frank Dogan, a construction worker on the site. “We just keep paving roads, then pulling up the pavement then building new lanes, then changing them, then building new bridges and taking them back down. It seems like we have made literally 0 progress in 10 years. It may actually be getting worse.”

“Some of the improvements you may have already noticed,” Mayor Petty commented. “The two lanes that quickly turn into one very thin lane causing enormous traffic jams. The highway entrance ramp that randomly alternates between being open and closed, sending you on a 24 mile detour to get back on 290. The pot holes and sewer covers that shred cars into pieces like an automatic can opener on the top of a tuna fish can. Other improvements are much more subtle like the lack of pavement that makes you feel as if you are driving on the surface of the moon and the cones and barrels randomly placed all around making the street look like some sort of urban paintball course.”

When asked how any of those things were improvements, Mayor Petty said, “What? I didn’t say that. Some crazy guy in the audience behind us said that!” Then Petty ran into his office and locked the door.

For better or for worse we can all take solace knowing that the end is coming near as the project is set to wrap up.

“I don’t know, maybe like 2035 or something. Just leave me alone!” Mayor Petty sobbed through his office door.  

Until then the city plans on having a program where you can rent yellow Moon Rovers in locations throughout the city so that you can drive down Belmont Street more effectively.

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The Worcester Lampoon is a news satire branch of We use made-up names in all of our articles, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Our goal is to poke fun at Worcester with more class and taste than you can imagine in your small brain.