Race for Mayor Tightens as Old VHS Surfaces of Konnie Lukes Dancing on the Car at Sh-Booms

by | Oct 30, 2017 | The Lampoon | 0 comments

The race for Mayor of Worcester has just gotten a bit tighter as a dusty old VHS security tape surfaced showing challenger Konnie Lukes dropping it low on the hood of the car inside the former nightclub, Sh-Booms.Race for Mayor Tightens as Old VHS Surfaces of Konnie Lukes Dancing on the Car at Sh-Booms 1

“This is great news for me,” Mayor Joseph Petty said as he tried to jump up and click his heels. “Everyone knows what kind of girls dance on the car at Sh-Booms. Well, everyone but me. I always preferred the more classic tunes played at Maxwell Silverman’s! Those cool cucumbers knew how to twist and shout, and don’t get me started with the wild dames. Oh, the wild dames!”

Mayor Petty reflected on his times at Maxwell’s as he sprayed two pumps of Binaca in his mouth and spun around waving his fingers like silly little pistols.

“I get it. This may look bad,” said Ronnie Bukes, Lukes’ campaign manager, “but this was the early 2000s. Back then getting on that car was like climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro. Only the best of the best were allowed up there. Top Gun Dancers”

Aside from it being an honor to gyrate the night away atop one of the dirtiest car hoods on Main Street, the Lukes team also has another defense. “When she set foot into Sh-Booms Konnie Lukes turned into her alter ego, Konnnayyyyy. She would wear low rise slacks, part her hair in the middle instead of to the side and swap out her business blazer for a bedazzled jean blazer. Since this was Konnnayyyyy and not Konnie, she cannot be held accountable. You have never seen Burt Ward get into trouble for the actions of Robin have you?” Mr. Bukes asked.

In closing mayor Petty had this to say, “I honestly hope this disqualifies her totally …. Wait did I say that out loud? What I meant was who wouldn’t want to drop their fanny low to the sweet sweet sounds of Snoppity Puppy Dog and Dr. Sprite. I love Hop Scotch music as much as the next guy!”

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The Worcester Lampoon is a news satire branch of ThisWeekinWorcester.com. We use made-up names in all of our articles, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Our goal is to poke fun at Worcester with more class and taste than you can imagine in your small brain.