REPORT: Over 180,000 Weather Experts Now Living in Worcester Ahead of Snowstorm

by | Jan 3, 2018 | The Lampoon | 0 comments

WORCESTER – A recent study by the Worcester Lampoon on just about everyone on social media has declared that there are close to 200,000 people living in Worcester that suddenly became weather experts overnight ahead of an incoming snowstorm.

“It should start sticking out there by noon,” said Jim Humphries, 52, of Worcester. Humphries, of course, has zero experience predicting or following any kind of storm or weather-related event.

“Where are we going to put all this stuff?!?” exclaimed Harry Murphy while standing atop Airport Hill, clueless as to how much snow the city of Worcester will actually get.

For anyone following along on Facebook or Twitter, the snowfall accumulations range anywhere from three inches to two feet, and no one will know for sure until SNOW ACTUALLY FALLS.

Luckily, weathermen use terms like “disaster” and “snowpocalypse” to generally give their viewers a good idea of what to expect. Additionally, the guidelines given by New England news anchors on “how to survive a snowstorm” are especially helpful to people that have lived in New England their entire lives.

“It’s not so much the cold, its the wind,” said the guy who always says, “It’s not so much the heat, it’s the humidity” in the summer.

An independent report by the Worcester Lampoon concludes, that more than 99 percent of the 180,000 plus weather experts living in Worcester have seen snowstorms before, but still flip to the Weather Channel during commercial breaks of their favorite television shows to see if there are any “updates.”

At press time, no snow had fallen in Worcester.

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The Worcester Lampoon is a news satire branch of We use made-up names in all of our articles, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Our goal is to poke fun at Worcester with more class and taste than you can imagine in your small brain.