Worcester Man Dies in His Dream, Wakes Up Alive

by | Sep 20, 2017 | The Lampoon | 0 comments

“Phew. I thought I was a goner there,” Rick Moletti said as he woke up from a dream in which he got trampled to death by the Worcester St. Patrick’s Day parade.

Moletti, an Italian-American, has never even attended the St. Patrick’s Day parade in Worcester, but the vivid details of his dream would suggest otherwise.

Worcester Man Dies in His Dream, Wakes Up Alive 1

“The South High Community high school marching band walked all over me,” Moletti said, while he was still sweating and shaking.

Sources close to Moretti with information about his sleeping habits told the Lampoon that Moretti was a lousy sleeper to begin with because he eats Blue Jeans Pizza late at night.

“Sometimes I can’t help myself,” Moretti said. “But I think I’ve finally been scared straight. After that thirteenth shopping carriage filled with cheap plastic toys rolled over me, I finally came to.”

“This would’ve never happened if I dreamed I was at the Columbus Day parade on Shrewsbury St.,” Moretti continued. “No one even goes to that. I’d still be alive…in my dream, that is.”

At press time, Moretti had gone back to sleep.

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The Worcester Lampoon is a news satire branch of ThisWeekinWorcester.com. We use made-up names in all of our articles, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Our goal is to poke fun at Worcester with more class and taste than you can imagine in your small brain.