WORCESTER – In what will almost inevitably shake up this year’s municipal election, the Worcester Lampoon has received screenshots of a conversation between a local politician and an anonymous sender known only as “Mom.”

“I don’t know how they got out there. I swear I don’t. This may ruin my chances,” the city council candidate, who wished to remain anonymous, told the Lampoon.

Lampoon Staff Member’s First Reaction to Reading Inappropriate Text Screenshots

Most of the texts between “Mom” and the city council candidate were questions directed at the candidate from “Mom,” and, quite frankly, were perverse.

One text from “Mom” read: “What time will you be home?” – a clear booty call if we’ve ever seen one.

Sifting through the messages, “Mom” even told the candidate to “Bring home some bacon.”

The Lampoon Staff vigorously dissected each message and — in between taking turns of puking their brains out — narrowed down the worst exchanges, including the following:

  1. Mom: “It’s really moist.”

         Candidate: “What is?”

         Mom: “My cake.”

 

2.     Mom: “What’re you wearing?’

        Candidate: “What I always wear.”

        Mom: “That’s nice. [Heart emoji]”

 

3.      Mom: “Are you hungry?”

        Candidate: “Always.”

        Mom: “I have something waiting for you at home.”

 

“Sickening, sickening stuff,” said one of the candidates now-former supporters. “Whoever this ‘mom’ floozy is, she’s ruined his political career. You just can’t bounce back from this.”

At press time, the candidate could be seen trying to destroy his phone in the driveway of his parent’s house.

About Worcester Lampoon Staff

The Worcester Lampoon is a news satire branch of ThisWeekinWorcester.com. We use made-up names in all of our articles, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Our goal is to poke fun at Worcester with more class and taste than you can imagine in your small brain.

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