WORCESTER – Due to the threat of a recent lawsuit from lawyer/criminal [and not the other way around] Henry Rodriguez, Worcester Police Chief Steve Sargent has authorized pillows and blankets for criminals and deadbeats that get picked up in transport wagons.
“We can no longer risk these criminals not being comfortable on their rides to the police station after we arrest them for dealing drugs, sexual assault, and armed robbery. Can’t do it. We want to make sure these scumbags can snuggle up on their way to doing serious time,” Chief Sargent told the Lampoon.
On Friday it was reported that Attorney Rodriguez is representing a man that was injured THREE YEARS AGO after falling in a transport wagon due to police officers speeding to get these brainless thugs into jail as soon as possible.
Rodriguez said, “Now that the WPD is finally taking me seriously as I hunt for anyone that has ever even got a splinter in their thumb in police custody so I can financially benefit from my client’s stupidity, we hope these pillows and blankets can help my clients rest on their short ride to prison for the hundredth time.”
According to Sargent, all transport wagons will be equipped with 100% down comforters and pillows. Additionally, each habitual offender will receive a juice box if they’re thirsty.
“There won’t be any snacks, that’s for sure,” Sargent said. “But we may stop off at McDonald’s on the way to the station.”